March 8, 2010 - Ralph Cissne
I was watching Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew the other night and wondered what Tiger Woods must be doing. While I can’t afford a stretch in rehab I’ve always tipped generously at IHOP or the Waffle House. I do my part to square the karma. Given the rate of relapse, rehab doesn’t provide a very good return on investment and it’s unclear if infidelity is a treatable condition. With male pattern baldness at least you can wear a cap.
Years ago a therapist suggested I attend a sex addicts anonymous meeting. “Every man should go,” she said. “Besides, it’s a great place to meet women.” Oh really? I learned in Los Angeles there is a twelve-step program for every compulsive disorder. My therapist was right. The room was filled with attractive women, many of whom were aspiring actors and comedians eager to welcome newcomers, hold hands in the circle and listen as others shared. Afterward there was a distinct shift as the women huddled outside, drinking coffee and chain-smoking Marlboro Lights. It didn’t seem right to interrupt their process and I figured I wouldn’t get very far wearing an Ashworth golf shirt, improper apparel for courtship in progressive Hollywood. I recalled what my elder sister told me when I was twelve, “Never try and guess what a woman is thinking, because you can’t keep up.” With an early tee time the next morning I exercised good judgment and cruised on home, leaving the anonymous women smoking until their hearts were content.
NBC golf analyst Johnny Miller’s comment that Tiger’s actions have “hurt the game” is correct, but I am certain the game can take the punch. Tiger’s February 19 statement appeared heartfelt, it’s obvious he only has himself to blame and the drama will continue to play out. We’ll see if the world’s greatest golfer can overcome the pervasive narcissism, and self-inflicted wounds, that seem to plague the cult of celebrity. We’ll see if Tiger’s fist pumps yield to humility, if he can regain the respect he has lost and what becomes of his family. Golf is the ultimate game of revealing character and that our thoughts and behavior have consequences. We’ll see if Tiger can be as great of a human being as he is a player. WOG